my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
