I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
