i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
