drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
