PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
