i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
