I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
