Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
