He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
