i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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