dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
