There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
