Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have post one night stand depression
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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