i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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