I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
