the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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