Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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