Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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