i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need water and some morals
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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