Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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