I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
