fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
