dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
