bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
