why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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