sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
