I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
