Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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