SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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