.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
