My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
