i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
