Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
