Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
