Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
