so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
