The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
