yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
