therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
