i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
