I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
