he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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