so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
