Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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