Your dad touched me again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
