I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
