Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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