this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk is not a location!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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