We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
