when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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