capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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