I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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