tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
