Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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